teadolly

20 posts

From Burnout to Breakthrough: Why I Decided to Start Learn & Beyond

Generations Life Work

Don't Have Time to Read This Blog Post?

Listen to the podcast (duration - 19min)

Start listening

In 2018, I wrote a blog article about my job at a large software company where I worked as a marketing automation manager for a few years. I was encouraged to write it by a psychologist, who recommended I document my experience to help recover from the stress I felt after being unexpectedly let go from the company.

This was my first job in marketing automation. Before that, I was a marketing manager at a small private company selling internet services. When I started this job I entered a completely new world—working in a large organization, learning new technologies, making new friends.

Things were good until the company got a new boss who wanted to “restructure.” People started quitting on their own, and others were let go. I wasn’t ready to give up. I worked hard, as I always do. I made friends, built relationships, and genuinely loved my job. I didn’t want to leave.

One day, my boss scheduled a casual “touch base” meeting. But when I showed up, he led me to a room at the end of the building where the HR manager was already waiting. It was a shock. That’s how they let me go—telling me my position was eliminated. I was asked to gather my things and was sent home in a cab.

It was devastating.

It wasn’t just a job to me—it was my second home. I was emotionally invested, passionate about what I did, and it felt like they’d just cut off a part of me. I had to take a few sessions with a psychologist to deal with the emotional stress.

Eventually, I found another job. It was different—new people, a different culture—but I adjusted. Then I found another job, and another. Today, I’m in my fifth or sixth position since then, working as Director of Marketing Operations.

This current job started off great. It was right after COVID, and demand for IT and workplace consulting services was booming. The company was growing fast and hiring rapidly. I started with one direct report, built a strong team, and felt like we were really making an impact.

But at some point, things slowed down. Revenue growth stalled, and the company began to downsize. I had to let someone on my team go—ironically, putting me on the other side of the table from where I was years ago. It didn’t feel good.

One teammate was moved to a different department, and another recently resigned after finding a better offer. That left me with just two team members and the same amount of work as before. I was not only managing the team—I was back to doing the work myself. The stress became overwhelming.

To make things more complicated, the company brought in new leadership and decided to move our team to a different department. Our mid-year reviews reflected some of the tensions with stakeholders. I realized that growing my career further might come at a cost I wasn’t willing to pay.

I didn’t want to work 12-hour days anymore. I wanted work-life balance. I wanted to shut off at 5 p.m. and have a life outside of work. But that was hard to achieve with the workload and stress.

I began looking for new opportunities but quickly saw how much the job market had changed. Every job posting I applied to had hundreds of applicants. Competition was intense, and employers had become incredibly selective—looking for the perfect match in skills, culture, and communication. Even getting interviews was tough.

At the moment I am trying to build the relationship with my new boss. She is smart, demanding, and extremely organized. I want to learn from her — not just professionally, but personally. She seems to have structure in every part of her life, and still makes time to enjoy her family, stay healthy, and have fun. That’s something I admire.

I’ve realized that I don’t want to sacrifice my physical or mental health for professional success. I want both. I want to achieve my career goals, but also prioritize my personal well-being.

Recently, I started listening to audiobooks again—something I hadn’t done in years. One that really resonated with me was The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins. It gave me a new perspective on how to handle stress and emotional overwhelm, especially in high-pressure work environments. I’ll share some of the lessons I learned from that book in a future post, because I think they’re helpful not just for people in my situation, but for anyone struggling to find balance in life.

The Birth of Learn & Beyond

Around the same time, I had a realization. Maybe this chapter of my life isn’t about climbing higher in someone else’s company. Maybe it’s time to build something of my own.

I’ve accumulated so much knowledge over the years—marketing, digital tools, web design, video editing, social media strategy, copywriting, and audience engagement. Why not share it? Why not teach others what I’ve learned?
That’s how the idea for Learn & Beyond was born.

At first, I imagined it as an online school for professionals like myself—people starting their careers in marketing or looking to upskill. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized this could be something bigger.

To me, Learn & Beyond isn’t just an online course platform. It’s a community—a network for people of all ages and backgrounds. Starting from school kids like my son Andrew and his friend Egor who are already learning how to create videos and animations. Then there are marketing students or recent grad who need practical experience. And finally, there are small business owners—friends of mine—who want to grow their businesses but don’t have resources or don’t know where to start.

What if Learn & Beyond could help?

What if it could become a place where people gain real experience by working on real projects? Where students and aspiring marketers help small businesses build websites, promote them on social media, build their email marketing campaigns. What if the platform not only teaches skills—but builds portfolios and confidence?

I want to connect the dots: students who want to learn, and small businesses that need affordable help. It’s a win-win. Students gain experience, and businesses get support they couldn’t otherwise afford. It might start as a side project, maybe even a pro bono effort, but the impact could be huge. Imagine saying, “I helped promote this local wellness clinic” or “I built the website for a family-run catering service” — those stories mean something. They make your resume stand out, and your heart feel full.

Learn & Beyond for Your Career and Business

Learn & Beyond can give young professionals a way to gain real experience—especially those just starting their careers, who feel stuck because they don’t have the right job title or bullet points on a resume.
Right now, the job market is incredibly competitive. Employers aren’t just looking for degrees—they want portfolios, hands-on experience, and proof that you can deliver results. But how do you build experience when no one gives you a chance?

That’s where Learn & Beyond comes in.

Whether you’re a recent graduate, someone changing careers, or a stay-at-home parent looking to reenter the workforce, you can become a part of this community and start creating. You’ll work on real-life projects with real businesses, develop your skills, and build a portfolio that reflects what you’re truly capable of.

It’s not just about checking boxes — it’s about confidence. About seeing yourself not just as a job title, but as someone who has value, creativity, and a story to tell.

And for small businesses, Learn & Beyond could be a lifeline. I know so many small business owners who are doing amazing things—but they’re struggling to grow because they can’t afford marketing help. Professional agencies charge thousands of dollars, and DIY-ing a website or promotion while juggling everything else is overwhelming.

Through Learn & Beyond, I want to match these businesses with learners who can help them grow. It’s not about working for free—it’s about collaboration, purpose, and mutual benefit. A business gets much-needed support, and the learner gets experience, confidence, and a real-world success story.

Eventually, this could evolve into something even bigger — a network of people helping each other, building real connections, and using digital tools to change their lives.

And maybe, just maybe, it’ll become a little movement. A reminder that you don’t have to be a “guru” or an “influencer” to share your knowledge, build something meaningful, or help someone else succeed. You just have to start. You just have to care.

Learn & Beyond for My Friends and Lasting Memories

Another dream I have for Learn & Beyond is to use it as a way to reconnect—with my friends, and with the community I used to be a part of more actively.

Over the years, many of us become what I now call “remote friends.” We care about each other deeply, but we don’t see each other often. Life got busy—jobs, families, health issues, responsibilities. And of course, the pandemic changed everything. It altered how we connect. We used to visit each other’s homes, have parties, and celebrate birthdays together. Now, it’s rare to even get a text or photo.

I miss those connections.

Learn & Beyond could be a way to bridge that gap—not just with students or business owners, but with my friends. I want to inspire them to create and share again. To write something. Record a short video. Take meaningful photos—not for Instagram likes, but for real connection.

I know some of my friends will say, “That’s not me,” or “I’m not a writer,” or “I’m not into video editing.” But I believe Learn & Beyond is for everyone—not just creative or tech-savvy people. It’s for anyone who wants to stay connected and share their life moments. We don’t need to “perform” for social media. We just need to stay present in each other’s lives, even if we’re not physically together.

Social media, as we know it, doesn’t quite fill that role anymore. Platforms like Facebook and Instagram often feel curated—highlight reels of vacations, achievements, or polished moments. That’s fine, but it’s not real life. Real life is messy, beautiful, surprising, and worth sharing, even in its simplest form.

I want to use Learn & Beyond to encourage you, my friends, to capture and share memories—not for followers, but for each other. Let’s exchange photos and videos so we can stay connected and know what’s going on in each other’s lives.

Even if we don’t have time to meet in person, this can be our way of staying close. We can share glimpses of our everyday moments, swap ideas, collaborate on creative projects, or simply check in. To me, that would mean a lot. And maybe—just maybe—we’ll feel a little more seen, a little more supported, and a little more inspired.

In today’s world, everything feels temporary. We’re constantly consuming, whether it’s products, food, or social media content that’s here one minute and forgotten the next. We rarely pause to create something with lasting value, something that future generations might treasure.

One of the core visions behind Learn & Beyond is to encourage people to create meaningful memories, share their unique stories with friends, and preserve them for future generations.

When I was a child, my parents had a big, bulky photo album filled with pictures from my early years. Later, as a teenager and young adult, I made my own albums with printed photos. I still have them today—and they’re some of my most treasured keepsakes.

But now that everything is digital, our memories are scattered—some on our computer hard drive, others on Google Photos or buried in social media feeds. My dad used to develop black-and-white photos himself, in a darkroom under a special lamp. Then came Kodak film rolls and photo print shops. Those old photos feel so special, don’t they? Ever wonder why? Because they took time and effort to create.

Today, snapping a photo takes a second, and most of them end up online—or hidden away on our phones and drives. Will our kids keep those photos and videos? Will they look through them with their own children the way we look through our family albums? Honestly, I’m not sure.

Unless, as families, we become part of something like Learn & Beyond—a place where we intentionally create meaningful photos and videos together. Memories that truly matter. Moments our kids will want to keep, revisit, and pass on.

And the best thing is you don’t need to be a professional creator to build lasting memories.

***

So here it is: Learn & Beyond—a digital space for creating, connecting, and growing together. A place to find your voice, sharpen your skills, support your community, and remember what lights you up.
Let’s make something that matters. Let’s build something of our own.

Join the Learn & Beyond Journey

If any part of my story resonates with you—if you’ve ever felt stuck, creatively unfulfilled, or simply longed for more meaningful connections… if you’ve ever wanted to leave something memorable for your family, your kids, or future generations—I invite you to be part of Learn & Beyond.

To help shape this vision, I’d love to hear from you. Whether you’re interested in learning new skills, sharing your expertise, or just staying connected, your input is invaluable.

Here’s how you can get involved:

1. Follow our journey
This idea sounds exciting, but you’re not quite ready to commit yet — you have too much going on in your life. That’s okay! You can still follow our progress. Sign up for our newsletter to stay updated on new blog posts, podcast episodes, and project highlights. It’s the easiest way to stay engaged with Learn & Beyond.

2. Learn new skills
You’re ready to master digital content creation or digital marketing, and you need these skills for your career or business. Visit our website to explore the courses we’ll be launching soon, and sign up for a free class on any topic that interests you — no obligation.

3. Sign up your child
You’d like your children to learn some of the digital skills we offer. Browse our lessons for kids and sign them up for a free class to see if it’s a good fit.

4. Become an instructor
If you already have experience in digital marketing, content creation, or any other skill you’d love to teach, we’d be thrilled to have you join us as an instructor. Since Learn & Beyond is still in its early stages, we can’t guarantee immediate compensation. However, as we grow our network and bring in more students, future compensation will absolutely be possible. We value your time and contribution deeply and will work with you to ensure your efforts are recognized and rewarded as the community expands.

5. Promote your business
Are you are a small business owner who wants to gain new clients by growing your online presence but not sure where to get resource or how to start? Join Learn & Beyond to either learn online marketing yourself—through easy-to-follow, practical lessons—or get help from our trained students who are looking to build real-world experience by supporting small businesses like yours.

You’ll be able to choose the path that fits you best: learn and do it yourself, or collaborate with emerging talent eager to help you grow.

6. Join our Beyond Generations network
Become part of our private Beyond Generations community — a creative space for families and kids to share photo galleries, videos, blog posts, poems, artwork, kids’ creations, and any other meaningful pieces of life and imagination.

To join, you’ll need to create an account, as this is a private network designed to protect the privacy and creativity of our members. I’m currently looking for help from a few programmer friends to build a secure website, so the project is still in development.

***

When you sign up for any of the above, you’ll be asked to complete a short survey to help us learn more about your interests and how you’d like to participate in Learn & Beyond.

Your feedback will help shape the future of this project and build a community that grows together.

Thank you for being here, for reading, and for being part of this journey. Let’s create something beautiful together. 

My gentleman and Best Friend

Relationships

When I was a child I was afraid of dogs. I thought they were dangerous predators.  Dogs that barked loud scared me the most. Especially because my mom was attacked by dogs. First time it happened when she was 4. She told me she was bitten by a homeless dog and she had to get a shot. When my mom was in her 60s, she was attacked by a German Shepherd who escaped from his backyard through a hole in the fence, when she was walking by. 

Luckily, I had an opportunity to meet very wonderful dogs who changed my perspective on dogs. 

The first one was a labradoodle who belonged to my boss. I met him when the boss invited our entire team to his house for a potluck dinner. His dog was incredibly  sweet. He didn’t bark at all, and he liked to lean on people, like a big soft pillow. He was also an excellent photo model.

Another dog who impressed m belonged to our dance costumes tailor. She had two little girls, and I had no idea what breed they were. They knew how to dance on hind legs (probably after seeing too many dancers who ordered costumes from their mom) and were clearly attention seekers. One of them had big sad eyes filled with so much emotion and love, that I immediately realized that I need to  have my own dog.

Meanwhile my older son was begging me to get a dog.

Most of our friends tried to persuade me that it was a bad idea. They said I would end up walking this the dog all by myself. And that the dog would keep me very busy. They were right!

Initially, we sought a shelter puppy but ended up buying one from a local classifieds site. Unfortunately, the puppy became ill with parvovirus, and the breeder took him back, refunding us.

A few months later, through a friend, we found Archie, a golden Labrador retriever. Archie had a rough start, getting car sick on the way home, but we quickly fell in love. Despite the challenges, he became part of our family.

Now, almost two years old, Archie is an essential part of our lives. He goes to a “dog camp” when we’re away, and the joy he shows upon our return is unmatched. His loyalty, warmth, and humor make every day better. He’s a gentleman—offering subtle signs of affection like gently licking my leg or resting his head on my lap when he wants a treat.

Archie’s thoughts seem easy to read:

  • “Why are you staring? Give me food!”
  • “You’re still at the computer? Time to nudge you!”
  • “Let’s walk! I need to sniff the ‘news’!”
  • “You took my slipper? That’s our game!”
  • “Oh, goat cheese? I’m here…”
  • “It’s time to sniff everything outside!”

Archie and I understand each other, even if we don’t speak the same language. He knows when I’m upset and lies quietly beside me, glancing in my direction. If I had to describe Archie in one word, it would be “gentleman.”

Though he has his quirks — chewing on shoes, pulling on the leash, or ignoring his ball — I never stay mad at him. His love, loyalty, and the comfort he brings me make every moment together a treasure.

Archie isn’t just a pet; he’s my therapy, my joy, and my best friend. Hugging him makes everything better, whether he’s aware of it or not. And for his mother — who feeds him, walks him, and shares his photos on social media — Archie will do anything.

 

 

 

 

 

 

8 часов в госпитале

Misc

Да уже столько я здесь сижу… все потому что у меня заболел бок. Я пошла в обычный walk-in clinic и мне сказали что есть подозрение на аппендицит и поэтому надо идти в госпиталь, чтоб там сразу сделали все тесты … я думала ну максимум часа четыре. Но я здесь уже больше семи часов. Уже сдала анализ мочи, два анализа крови и даже CTScan сделали, а мне все никак не скажут результаты. Прочем CTScan я сделала 3 часа назад. Час назад я хотела уйти и они сказали что если я уйду не дождавшись результатов то доктор не обязан мне назначать лечение … я просто смогу посмотреть результаты онлайн.. И если найдут аппендицит то придётся прийти снова .. Вообщем напугали. Здесь вообще у них все построено на системе запугивания.. Собственно ковид это тоже была система запугивания.. Вчера мы с мамой были у флеболога, и нас не пустили в офис без масок. Причем за масками пришлось идти вниз в аптеку и платить по 1 доллару за маску. Хороший бизнес!

Оказывается у них здесь один радиолог и он никак не пришлёт результаты моего CT Scan… Я уже попросила медсестер чтоб написали ему … И все это время нужно сидеть в маске.. Но я уже ее почти сняла. Пока я здесь сижу дописала одну статью в английской версии блога.. Пыталась читать книжку но не идет что-то. Я очень надеюсь что не придется здесь сидеть до самого утра.

My new job and what it’s like to work from home

Relationships

I have been working from home for almost two years now. When the COVID pandemic started in March 2021, I worked for a small software company in Mississauga. The Ontario government closed schools, and we were trapped in the house with the kids..They had their classes on Zoom.. It was frustrating because there was always something wrong with the Zoom links. .. Every hour when children had recess, they made so much noise as if their entire class was in our house. They especially enjoyed distracting us during our work meetings. I was trying to find a quiet place in the house where I could focus. First, I tried to work in the basement, but it was freezing there. Then I tried to work in the bedroom, but I was falling asleep there. Finally, I settled in the family room near a big window overlooking our quiet street. That made me feel somewhat connected to the outside world. At some point, I joined online cardio sculpt classes and took them almost daily. This workout helped me stay in shape and not get depressed. This went on for about a year .. I knew we were not in the worst situation because we could work from home, and some people could not. Still, it was frustrating. I joined a Facebook group called “Kids belong to school”. There were many petitions and a lot of pressure on the government until the schools finally opened. Soon businesses reopened offices. By that time I already changed jobs, and my new office was in downtown Toronto. Those who live at the outskirts of GTA can imagine what it’s like to commute to downtown. During the rush hour, the commute can take up to 1.5hrs. Parking is never free and is not cheap. If you find a cheap parking, prepare to walk 10-15 minutes to your destination. The public transit is more suitable for people who can live on a schedule and don’t worry about sneezes and coughs in the crowd around them. (Thanks to COVID, I now get anxious anytime i hear someone sneeze or cough nearby)

I figured that commuting to downtown was not my thing so I became a 100% remote employee. Although, I do go to the office once in a while. Every trip to the office takes half a day planning and preparation. First, I have to decide what to wear. That’s always an issue because there is always nothing to wear.  Obviously, none of my colleagues would ever remember what I was wearing when I came to the office three months ago, but I still need to wear something “new”, just for my own sake!  I am so used to wearing leggings and hoodies (which is sort of my stay-at-home uniform) that putting on jeans or a skirt, or a dress is literally a torture.

Then, I need to put on the makeup and do my hair and that can take another 30-45 min depending on how creative I feel at the moment. Finally, I need to reserve parking on a parking app.. Finding parking in downtown has always been a pain, especially when I had to search for parking while driving on busy streets and watching out for pedestrians constantly emerging from nowhere and crossing intersections right in front of my nose. So this parking app called Spot Hero has really been a blessing! I can reserve a spot on the app just before my trip. It costs almost nothing, and I can rest assured the spot will be waiting for me by the time I arrive. I don’t even need to put a parking ticket in my car because my license plate is stored in the app and the parking owner will know it. The only problem with these reserved parking spots is that sometimes they are really hard to find (even though the app provides really good directions). When I used the app for the first time, I had to pull into a very narrow driveway next to a building, drive all the way to the back of the building, then drive to another lot that was adjacent to the back of the building. As you can imagine, I missed that narrow driveway, and since it was on a one-way street, I had to make a huge circle to come back and finally get to my parking spot. Well, next time, I chose a different parking lot and it was much easier to find.

One day i had to go to a walk-in dermatology clinic very early in the morning just before going to the office. The average wait time for a dermatologist appointment in Ontario is 3-6 months so this clinic is for people who can’t wait that long. But you need to get there really early in the morning because they see patients on a first come first served basis from 8 till 11am. I got there at 4:30am because I just couldn’t sleep that night and was the first in the line.. The person after me was a man who arrived around 6am. He drove 4 hours straight from North Bay because apparently a wait time for a dermatologist in North Bay is 1.5 years…

I took a small suitcase and packed a camping chair and a change of clothes. The clinic opens the doors only at 7am, and I just didn’t want to stand on my feet on the street for two hours. That’s what the chair was for.

I sat in the camping chair outside the clinic in the early morning hours and was hoping I wouldn’t be taken for a homeless person. A few passersby walked by and didn’t even look in my direction. Seems like camping in downtown Toronto is a usual thing. Another usual thing is bike races at 5-6am. I saw a lot of cyclists who passed by.

I finished my appointment around 9am and was able to get to the office around 9:40. That’s how long it takes to get from one end of the downtown (Distillery District) to another (Yonge and Bloor) That was enough time for me to get changed and get ready for the meeting with my boss at 10am. However, my boss didn’t show up at 10am. The night before the company had a big party for the execs and my boss had a good time at that party. He was still sleeping at the hotel when I was ready to meet him at 10am. He did show up 45 min later with a bad headache but had to leave in 20 min to catch his flight back to New York. Although this was my very first in-person encounter with my boss, I was not upset as I know he is a very nice person just not very experienced in partying and consuming strong alcohol drinks.

My other trips to the office were not very remarkable, however the office itself is very entertaining. I can’t imagine how people work in this office since it looks like a museum. More than a hundred years ago this building also referred to as Masonic  Temple, open its doors to house a group of  Mason lodges and chapters.


In 1950-90s this building had been the home of the Concert Hall that featured appearances of many famous performers including Frank Sinatra, Led Zeppelin, Iggy Pop, Tina Turner and others.

In 2013 our company bought this building for 12.5 mln and got it renovated for the office space. The concert venue still exists and our company uses it to host its own  events and also rents it out for musical events of all kind.

There is a famous Red Room where Masons used to gather. The room has authentic 100 year old furniture and employees are allowed to sit in these thrones.

 

There is a spiral slide installed between two floors, glass wall conference rooms, a white room with walls fully used as white boards (this used to be the marketing department room during pre-Covid times), a room with a glass floor that has a spot that marks the centre of the building, a unique hundred year old elevator, a gym, a virtual golf simulator and many other cool things.

So I wonder how people actually work in this office and don’t get distracted, especially with so many meetings during the work day.

In fact, this is my first job where I have to be in so many meetings in one day. Sometimes meetings start at 9am and end at 5pm, with a short break for lunch. This can be really exhausting. Especially since every meeting has a different topic and my brain needs to switch from one subject to another every half hour. Also not all of my coworkers have good communication skills. Some people tend to talk a lot, going into a lot of details and since my brain is more wired to digest information visually, I sometimes zone out and lose the thread of a conversation. But I am now in that age and position that I don’t feel shy to ask for clarification and the young people who work with me are all very nice and don’t mind to clarify and repeat things to me.

I do try to encourage them to use visuals in presentations as much as possible. I find that my colleagues who are of my age and generation are all visual learners like me, while the younger staff are really good at listening, making notes, and logical thinking. Well, especially the ops people, not the marketing folks.

I now have 5 of such technical marketing ops people reporting to me and they are all just  too smart,   hardworking and dedicated . I try to spend enough time with each person and make everyone feel important and valued. I think that’s the most important quality of a good team lead. I also have to check their work, help them solve their problems, give them advice, and ensure they make progress in their work. As you can imagine, all I do now is talking to people (not just my team but also other teams and team leads). I think the main thing I learnt in this job is leadership skills. Since I need to be able to manage other people, I almost constantly  have to demonstrate confidence,  composure, and contentment. And as a result I learnt to be relaxed in this job… On the other hand I miss doing hands-on work, which is one of the reasons I decided to create this site.

So is working from home good or bad? Well, it’s kind of a love-hate relationship. On one hand, I  feel safe and comfortable. If I ever get fired, I won’t have to make a shameful exit through the office back door. I will just get unplugged from the corporate network. Another thing I like about WFH is being seen just as a team member and nothing extra. When I worked in the office people used to notice details about my looks (what i wear, my figure, the length of my legs etc) Remote staff are just talking heads and nobody cares about the rest parts of their bodies.

On the other hand being stuck in the house can be really depressing and getting out is always very exciting. When I get out, I feel motivated to look great. And when I meet people in person, I feel like I have been living out in the woods and it’s my first time in the town.

According to some research, people who WFH can be very productive but also very unhappy. The challenge is setting boundaries between the home and the job. Switching from a work routine into a home routine and vice versa. Sometimes I can stay up really late at night to finish a presentation and then find it very hard to get up in the morning especially if my meetings don’t start at 9am.

Canary Islands: Hot love and volcanic passions

Life Travel

Those lands, as everyone knows, were one of the last creations of the Lord … work on them was completed on Friday, late in the evening, which is why clouds of smoke still escaped from the bowels of the earth. The earth seething with life. Mixing of metals. Huge sea animals. Mineral vapors. New lush vegetation, greedily absorbing the fresh moisture of the earth. Palm trees that grow in six weeks.
 Abel Posse “Dogs of Paradise”

The plane dived into the gray cotton wool of dense clouds, then surfaced again, and the gray rocks encircling the island became visible. We were not allowed to land right away, so we made a big circle around the island, which took another half an hour, and then finally dived back into the gray cotton. When we landed, all around was a solid moving fog and gusty wind. Tenerife North Airport is located in the mountains – it is always cool and cloudy here.

We got to the hotel by taxi. The driver was quite experienced and all the way to Adeje we famously flew along the hot highway along the coast at almost 150 km/h. In Adeje itself, the taxi driver got confused, he did not understand English, and did not heed our requests to call the hotel by phone. Circling around the place, he asked all other taxi drivers we met on our way about the whereabouts of the Sunset Bay Club hotel. All his colleagues gave him different instructions, which completely confused him. Finally, he reached the Sunset Beach Hotel and, as per our advice, went to ask the concierge. Since these two hotels belong to the same chain, the last instruction finally led us to our destination.

The Sunset Bay Club was a cluster of 4-storey white buildings scattered over a large area on the side of a mountain. All staff spoke excellent English with a British accent. As we found out later, only Brits in their 40s stayed at this hotel. Small restaurants located directly under our window offered traditional English and Irish cuisine, which we got bored of on the first day. Since our room was on the 4th floor, just above the restaurants that were buzzing and smoking until two in the morning, we had a very quiet and secluded spacious terrace, with a nice view of the entire resort town.

When you go to Tenerife, there is no point in purchasing an all-inclusive vacation, since you’d want to get a chance to try the food in local restaurants. There were so many restaurants that any time it was time to have lunch or dinner, we couldn’t decide where to go. But anywhere we went, they had low prices and good quality. Local beer was cheaper than bottled water – 1 euro per half liter.

 

Soon upon arrival, we took a tour to the Teide Volcano. Unfortunately, the cableway was closed that day, and we couldn’t go all the way up the mountain. Although the volcano has not been active for a long time, vapors of some gases are constantly present above the crater. As a result, the peak of the mountain is covered with a light white cloud that looks like a scarf. According to the guide, the temperature of the magma inside the mountain is 600°C. The last eruption here happened a hundred years ago when a smaller volcano erupted (not the main one). The Canary Islands were formed as a result of the eruption of magma from the bottom of the sea. Everything here is made of volcanic rock – mountains, sand, stones. There is also unique vegetation, but more on that below.

The Teide Volcano is surrounded by the “lunar” valley, covered with solidified lava. Among the plants that manage to grow here are carrot-shaped turrets with small purple flowers that bloom once a year. We just caught them blooming.

Then we drove to the Chinchado rocks, a cluster of bizarre shaped massive stones. There were two Russian girls wearing a night club makeup sitting just behind us in the bus who apparently spent a whole night at some bar. Despite that fact, they were gobbling up sandwiches on the road and bravely climbing the rocks in miniskirts and platform shoes, to the admiration of local dudes.

Watch a video about Teide here.

Playa Torviscas and Playa Fanabe are considered one of the best beaches in Tenerife. Hot gray volcanic sand, calm, mirror-like sea, and majestic sunsets. Unlike other popular places, such as Las Americas (Playa de las Americas), known for its buzzing nightlife, Adeje is very quiet. It’s dominated by couples with kids and teenagers, as well as older tourists. 99% of vacationers are Europeans, mostly English, Spaniards, Germans, Russians, Scandinavians. Most shops and restaurants speak good English, although there are some where only Spanish is understood.

Our most memorable excursion was the trip to the Island of Gomera, located just 30 min from Tenerife by ferry. The huge ferry loaded with passengers and cars departs every hour from the port of Los Cristianos. It was too windy at stern of the ferry so we stayed mostly inside the passenger cabin which had toilets, a bar, and comfortable seats. I was fine on the way to Homera, but on the way back, after a whole day in the hot sun, I ended up being sea sick. I sat grasping the seat handles, my head between my knees, like a goose.

Gomera has many legends. The tour starts from the capital of the island, San Sebastian, where Columbus house is located. He stopped here before going to discover America. Here he was received by the Spanish aristocrat Beatriz Bobadilla, who became his mistress. Our guide Maria told us some interesting stories about the inhabitants of Homera, none of which could find online either in English or in Russian. For example, how Beatrice was widowed before meeting Columbus. Her husband, who was granted possession of the island by the Spanish queen, was a great lover of women. Bobadilla and her husband brutally killed local residents, the Guanches, who did not want to obey the Spanish invaders who captured their lands.
avno that to enter into a relationship with his own sister).

In search of materials about this legend, I came across a book by the Argentine writer Abel Posse “Dogs of Paradise”. This book is about the life path of Columbus, about how he decided to become a navigator and go in search of new lands, which he considered paradise, about his meeting with the Castilian queen Isabella, who made him an admiral and, of course, about Columbus’s erotic adventure on the island Homer :-))))), visiting the sexual maniac Bobadilla.

““She lived alone in the Tower… She kept wolves and lions. She ate the meat of wild boars and deers shot high in the mountains. Sometimes she ordered shark fins and rays to be delivered to the Tower and cooked them the Japanese way – in a bitter lemon marinade. Thick soups were cooked from this, they helped her in love affairs. About the devilish lust of Beatrice was fame throughout the district. If the fishermen happened to approach the island of Gomere at night, they listened to the desperate cries of her hapless lovers. Blocks, whips, stocks, spiked leather belts, cypress rods soaked in brine and vinegar. Servants in hoods pulled over their faces. Love is red or yellow, Beatrice’s love was dark brown. Almost all of her lovers – fishermen, lost sailors, captured Guanche leaders, overly nimble church servants – at the end of the night were thrown down into the sea, through the north window of the Tower. But it also had its own attraction. Despite the terrible rumors, it was hard not to accept the invitation of the famous beauty. In the era of severe prohibitions on any sensual impulses, who will miss the opportunity, who will refuse to endure torture from a naked woman? In addition, everyone must have hoped to tame her temper with soft tenderness, to arouse reciprocal love …”  This is how Beatrice Bobadilla is described by Abel Posse. Having read this book before my trip to Homer’s Island, I would probably look at this unremarkable medieval tower, which today is about a hundred meters from the seashore, with different eyes.

But on the day of the tour, I didn’t know anything about it. However, there were many other exciting experiences on Homer….

After visiting a small garden with bulk papayas and plantains (small bananas), we went to a shop where we bought several national souvenirs – palm syrup ( obtained from local palms and considered by the locals as an energy healing drink), almagrote sauce and homeron – palm syrup combined with grape vodka, recommended by our guide as a natural viagra. Then we were taken to a restaurant where they served pumpkin soup with the same almagrote sauce. Both the soup and the sauce were the same orange color, and they were suggested to be eaten together for piquancy. However, this sauce went well with both bread and chicken, and since it was very tender and spicy, I certainly ate more than necessary … For those who are planning to go to the Canary Islands, keep in mind that the food here is very tasty everywhere, but the sea shakes a lot, so control your appetite so that you don’t have to regret it later :-))).

In the same restaurant, we were shown the unique language of silbo whistling  . According to the guide, in ancient times, this language was the main means of communication on the island, as the rocks transmit the sound of the whistle well. With the help of this whistle, the Homerians could transmit messages from one end of the island to the other (without any special devices, mind you!) According to one hypothesis, the ancient Romans pulled out the tongues of the inhabitants of North Africa, whom they took out on ships to sell into slavery, and they learned to communicate without language – with the help of a whistle. Some of these ships could end up on Homer. The Homerians whistle, indeed, without using their tongue, putting their fingers into the genus. So that the whistle language does not die out, it is officially taught in local schools. You can listen to the whistle here .

In the afternoon we visited Garajuan National Park , whose name comes from the names of Princess Gara and Prince Juan, Canarian Romeo and Juliet, whose wedding was prevented by a volcanic eruption, interpreted by their families as an unkind sign from above. Juan sailed to Gara from Tenerife to Gomera, where they joined and threw themselves off the highest mountain of the island. This mountain and the forest surrounding it were named Garajuan. Garajuan Park is unique and included in the UNESCO World Heritage List. It is believed that this is the remnant of an ancient forest that covered most of Europe in the Tertiary period (more than 2 million years ago). There are many endemic plants and animals (that is, those that are not found anywhere else in the world), for example, tree-like chamomile and tree-like dandelion.

In general, despite the heat (it was 37 degrees that day), motion sickness on the ferry and on mountain serpentines, the trip to Homer Island justified itself, and I would not hesitate to go there again.

The Real Price of Social Media, or Why I Am Addicted to Facebook

Generations Social Media

I want to share a secret about myself – I am addicted to Facebook.

Every morning, when I wake up, the first thing I do is I reach for my phone and open Facebook. I spend at least 15 min first of all checking how many likes I got on the last photo I posted and from whom. Secondly, I scroll through the news feed to see what other people posted – pictures of cute kids, cats, dogs, happy faces, weird faces, and sometimes very disturbing stuff.

Question – why do I keep doing this every morning when I know very well that it’s a waste of time?

I decided to do some research on this subject. Turns out, I am not the only one wasting my precious morning time. 80% of smartphone users do the same thing – they check the social apps on their phones before brushing their teeth.

We all know how Facebook started – as a social network site for students at Harvard. It had only 4,000 users at that time. Now it’s used by 1.6 billion people across the world.

Maybe it would never grow beyond the size of a student network if smart marketers didn’t figure how to take advantage of it.

Why do so many people use Facebook?

There is this type of people who post 5-6 selfies of themselves in a day. I used to do that too. “Hey, here is me, driving my brand new car to work”, “Me, working so hard at my desk”, “Gym time – Can you believe I just did 20 sit-ups? Look at my abs”. What else? A Duckface Selfie. The list goes on.

The success of social media is based on humans’ need for attention. People simply don’t get enough attention in their real life. It’s abnormal to seek constant attention in real life. But it’s absolutely normal in social media – everyone does it. Facebook and Instagram create an ideal environment for obsession with self-image. The popularity of one’s image in social media is measured by the number of “likes”, “followers” and comments. It becomes a competition – who’ll get the most number of likes?

Guess what? It was all designed on purpose by some clever people who invented this “sharing” culture. They encourage us to tell more about our private lives. You open Facebook and the first question you see is “What’s on your mind?” or “Where are you right now?” or “Who are you with?”

All details of our personal life that we share through the social media is a goldmine for advertisers. They pay a lot of money to get access to that data. The more we share about ourselves the easier it is for them to market to us their goods.

We think it’s free to use social media. But the cost of this gigantic platform, the salaries of developers, the data centers space are all paid by the dollars we’ll spend later on movie tickets, clothes, restaurants and vacations advertised to us. That’s what makes the social media profitable and fuels its growth.

The second reason why social media is so popular is Curiosity… that killed the cat.

Nowadays humans’ attention span has become very short. In fact, a recent study found a goldfish has a longer attention span than humans. Why? It’s all thanks to smartphones and information overload.

Nobody wants to read a long article, especially if there are no big colorful pictures in it. No-one wants to watch a YouTube video if it’s longer than two minutes or if it doesn’t make us laugh or cry every 10 seconds.

And if you think about this, the content these days is not really about the message, it’s about the presentation.

Everything we see on social media is fascinating, exciting, eye-popping. The stories compete for our attention. Eventually we become satiated, desensitized. And we also very quickly forget everything we read or watched on social media.

Remember the photo of a dress that went viral? The dress that divided the entire planet? Half of the world was saying the dress was white and gold, and the other half claimed it was blue and black. Couples were breaking up because they couldn’t agree. Newspapers forgot about politics and focused on the dress. Scientists were doing studies about the dress color. The buzz around the dress lasted for a couple of weeks. And then everyone forgot about it.

What does this example teach us? The most viral content gets forgotten.

If I wake you up in the middle of a night and ask you what was the story of Romeo and Juliette all about, would you be able to tell me right away?

And if I wake you up in the middle of a night, and ask you to share with me any of the “45 incredibly amazing facts that you didn’t know can blow your mind” that you yesterday read about on Facebook, would you remember any of them?

Exactly.

The stories on social media are like fast food. They look, smell and taste really nice the moment we consume them. But do they leave those good nutrients in our system that make us happier and smarter?

Does the social media encourage us to explore the world, ponder, analyze, seek answers and finally create something of our own?

No, all it does is make us want more fun. Addictive fun.

And that is why I am addicted to Facebook.

Some thoughts about generations, social media and love

Generations Social Media
Those of us born in 60-70s are sort of lucky.  The sociologists name us Generation X and claim that our childhood was one the best.

The major wars, hunger and depression were way behind us, and our grandparents (Baby Boomers) had built a new life that provided us with everything we needed to be healthy, happy and successful.

Our parents worked their tails off to enroll us in good colleges and universities and help us get on our feet. The teachers were tough and demanding. We had to keep our noses to the grindstone to get good marks at school.

We didn’t have smartphones and Lego, but we did read a lot of books. We spent more time outdoors, playing by ourselves, no adults watching us. Inspired by the first astronauts and Herbert Wells we dreamt of travelling to another galaxy and building our own time machine. We were always inventing, designing, creating something.

It was our generation that created Internet, PlayStation, TV shows about vampires, smartphones and of course, the social web.

Our children, the generations Y & Z, the so called Millennials, are victims of our inventions.

They spend most of their time playing computer games and watching TV.
They have a need to be constantly entertained but they don’t know how to entertain themselves. The endless animation series, the fast cutting scenes of computer games fill their heads with imagery and sounds leaving no space for creativity and slowing down their cognitive development.

Gen Y grew up with technology, so being connected and tech savvy is in their DNA. Equipped with the latest technology and gadgets Generation Y is online and connected 24/7, 365 days a year.

And here is the paradox! The Generation X is beginning to adopt the values and the lifestyle of the Generation Y. We are transforming into the social web addicts, dependent on our smartphones, showcasing our personal lives to the rest of the world and crafting our social web image.

For the last 5-6 years checking the Facebook news feed has been my usual morning routine. I’ve been spending anywhere from 15 min to half hour going through endless posts containing photos of family celebrations, vacations, weddings, absurd videos that went viral, meaningless jokes, political propaganda and moms’ groups discussions. I am not sure why I am so addicted to navigating through this infoglut.

Apparently, I am not the only one wasting my precious morning time. About 80% of smartphone users check their phones before brushing their teeth .

The social media has become the best source to stay informed on anything be it of utmost importance or absolute uselessness.

And that’s why it was meant to be a platform for crafting one’s “social image”.

Have you noticed how Facebook always shows you the shiniest moments of your friends’ life? It makes you think that their life is absolutely perfect and filled with endless fun. They seem to be always in a good mood –  enjoying themselves, going out, sitting on the beach, having drinks or eating delicious meals in restaurants.

For most of us who grew up before the Facebook era, having 50-100 Facebook friends seems sufficient. Facebook is just a convenient way to exchange photos with relatives and friends.  For Gen Xers, the social web is more than just a virtual photo album. It’s part of their lifestyle.

300 to 1000 friends on Facebook and probably even more on Instagram seems to be a norm for the Millenials. I recently learnt that 150 is the maximum number of social relationships a person can maintain ( according to Robyn Dunbar). So who are the rest 150-850?

They simply exist there as an invisible audience required forobsessions with self-image.

Researchers at Western Illinois University found that people who score highly on the Narcissistic Personality Inventory questionnaire had more friends on Facebook and updated their status updates more regularly comparing to the ones who scored fewer.

People who have a heightened need to feel good about themselves are more likely to “friend” anyone they know or barely know – from co-workers and ex-classmates to random people they met once, or had never even met (“accepting friend requests from strangers”)

Perhaps, you heard the term “image crafting” – the act of carefully and deliberately constructing one’s social media content to control the way others view their life.

No wonder most social media feeds read like a modern-day fairy tale, where every moment is wondrous, every interaction with friends is more precious than the last, and even the mundane (coffee with the girls! look at my lunch! stuck in traffic!) is a magical experience.

As this author writes “Americans have been obsessed with celebrity culture for decades, hence the unbelievable success of reality TV shows and TMZ. That obsession is driven by the natural human desire to feel special, to feel like you matter. Once social media, specifically Twitter and Instagram, opened the floodgates and let the general public not just peek behind the curtain, but walk around backstage and get a more intimate look at the lives of the celebrities they obsess over, the ability to pretend to be famous, became easier than ever..

…Now we’re all sitting around judging each other, and, more importantly, ourselves, based on how many likes or retweets or double-taps we get. It’s insane.”

Sadly, people’s real lives are so much far away from being that perfect the way social web projects them. In reality our existence is filled with daily chores, struggles and miseries. But “friends” are not supposed to know about them, they should only see the bright side.
 



What happens as a result? It harms people’s perception of reality.

Comparison is a dangerous thing. Constantly comparing oneself against a carefully crafted ideal is a sure recipe for jealousy, disappointment, and malcontent with your own life. Nobody’s life is that perfect, but everyone’s collective image crafting makes it hard for society as a whole to develop and project more authentic expectations.

Because of our image crafting, we lose the opportunity to connect authentically with those we love. Relationships become as fake as your feed: “How’s your job? Amazing! How are the kids? Amazing! How are your workouts going? Let me guess… Amazing!” No one shares the hard things, the real things, and your relationships never progress past the amazing fairy tale recitations for fear of disturbing the image you have so carefully constructed.

….


The 50 shades of the modern love

I often hear from both men and women how hard it is nowadays to find a partner for a long term relationship. If women instinctively know that marriage is an important milestone that needs to be reached one way or another, men are not in a hurry to get married. Most men in their 30s feel that they haven’t grown up yet, that their best time of life just begins, and marriage is a necessary evil that can wait for a while.

“Friends with benefits” or “no strings attached” is a very common style of relationship amongst Generation-Yers. They go out, have fun, make love and then get back to their lives like nothing happened. They don’t talk much about their feelings or plans for the future.

Building a career is the reason number one why marriage is given less and less importance. Establishing oneself in a business world can take quite a while depending on individual preferences and goals. Some aim to land an executive job in a fast growing corporation, others won’t stop until they build a successful business of their own. All are busy and value their time more than anything. Walks under the moon, three hour conversations about meaning of life would be a complete waste of time for them.

Millennials are not interested in the romantic aspects of love. They do, however, get excited about abnormal, exotic forms of sexuality. I always wondered why “50 shades of grey” was so popular amongst the youth.  Could it be giving them the same kind of thrill they get from alcohol and drugs? Or maybe, it’s just a quick and easy recipe to fill in the emptiness of the inner world? Same as Facebook and Instagram, or marihuana.

Humans have a need for love, and if there is no love, then the soul is empty and looking for something to fill in that emptiness. This is why I put social media and TV on par with drugs and booze. They are just artificial ingredients that replace a real life experience.

Nowadays a lot of people have become very health-conscious and strive to eat organic products, free of hormones, antibiotics and GMO. So why not take the same care of your soul?

Another reason why the modern generation is losing the ability to love is the pop culture they grew up with. They learnt everything about love from Hollywood movies and not from Shakespeare or Tolstoy.  The problem with the pop culture is that it creates unrealistic expectations. Expectations that leave people disappointed and confused at the end, because they are so used to the idea that any love story should have a happy ending.

“We’ve been fooled into believing perfection is attainable.
It’s not. Never has been, never will be, and yet, we are all looking for that perfect individual. We are all looking to become that perfect individual. Sadly, we’re all going to fail, and it’s going to suck. No matter how unrealistic our expectations are, the disappointment we feel when they aren’t achieved is very real.
The grass always seems greener on the other side. But who the hell told you to look for greener grass?” (“10 Reasons Why This Generation Is Losing The Ability To Be In Love”)
“
 The western economy created a world where everything and anything can be easily and instantly accessible, be it news, food, entertainment or pleasure.

What does this do to humans? It makes them lazy. A habit that tends to seep into their love lives.

I like to compare the pop culture and social media with fast food. It looks, smells and tastes really good, but does it make you healthy?

Does it stimulate your brain in such a way that you would want to explore the world, ponder, analyze, seek answers and finally create something of your own?

No, all it does is make you want more fun. Addictive fun.




The Future of My Closet

Generations

Once I had a dream about the future… I get up in the morning and walk up to my closet. Instead of the door the closet has a large flat screen mysteriously shimmering in the dark. I touch the screen and it lights up and displays many colourful icons.

“What would you like to look like today?” asks the screen and offers me eight choices to pick from:
 – a romantic dreamer
– an urban fashionista
– a reckless teen
– a sporty mommy
– a neat housewife
– a naughty girl….

“Well, I think I tried all of them already… I want to be something new!” The screen thinks for a minute. “In this case, please feel free to choose any item from our catalogue”. I search the catalogue and find a slim black dress with vibrant blooms scattered across the bodice, and black velvet platform pumps with scarlet roses print, golden heels and golden buckles…. “This will work!” I smile and press “Submit Your Order” button at the bottom of the screen.

“You order has been submitted and will be shipped in 30 minutes. Thank you for using “My Caprice”.

In only half an hour after showering and breakfast the doorbell rings. I open the door and receive a paper bag with “My Caprice” logo. The bag has the dress and the shoes…

The next day I order a new dress and new shoes. Every day I order a new outfit that gets shipped to my house in a paper bag.

How much do you think this service costs? Where do I keep all the clothes and shoes I order? I don’t keep them anywhere and it costs me no more than a TV subscription. How is that possible?

Once I’ve used the clothes I take them to “My Caprice Clothing Return Drop Box” located at all major intersections of the city. “My Caprice” is one of the many clothing rental providers available in the market. Clothes collected at the drop boxes are shipped to a giant dry cleaning factory where several mega tons of used clothing is processed daily. Once cleaned the clothes become like brand new.

The cleaned clothing is sent to warehouses where it gets itemized and categorized. The warehouses are connected to the central database which is linked to the application running on the terminals installed in every home’s closet. The customers pay a yearly subscription for the service. There are different plans available depending on the clothes quality, designs and target market demographics.

The traditional “retail” shopping still exists. However, clothing rental services become more and more popular. How did this happen?

In a country where bad weather lasts three seasons out of four, and driving in traffic is a huge hassle , more and more people preferred online shopping to visiting a store. The biggest issue was lack of storage. People kept buying clothes and storing them in closets. With time, clothes weren’t fitting well anymore, or they were going out of fashion, or people simply became bored with them. Clothes were taking more and more space, producing dust and causing allergies.

Considering the fact that consumers use clothes for a short period of time, quickly replacing them with the new ones, manufacturers realized that quality is not of much importance to consumers. Eventually, the quality of clothing became so poor that after two washes most garments were discarded, causing significant harm to the environment.

This is when a group of scientists decided to popularize the concept of mass clothing rental. The idea mostly favoured by women thrived on the fact that every woman’s secret desire to wear a different outfit every single day of a year.

They capitalized on the fact that women don’t buy clothing for its own sake. They buy the looks created by the clothing. Companies like “My Caprice” were able to meet that demand.

Any radical new idea will receive its share of criticism. Some people consider it inappropriate to wear used clothes due to religious, cultural and hygienic reasons. That is utterly strange as they share lots of other things with strangers every day. When they go to restaurants, they eat food from the plates that were previously used by others. When they stay in hotel rooms, they sleep on top of bed sheets that someone else had previously slept on. When they are admitted to hospitals, they wear robes that were worn by many others…

Eventually even the most raging opponents of this idea had to change their mind. Mainly, due to the environmental benefits of the new concept. Reusing items means less waste, less cleaning substances and less plastic ending up in landfills. The quality and durability of clothing also improved. They started using more natural, eco-friendly and recyclable materials, which helped improve people’s overall health and well-being…

I kept contemplating about other long-term benefits of this idea, but suddenly I woke up from my dream. I opened my closet and saw how many clothes I had in there… For the last three years I have been obsessed with buying new clothes calling it my “retail therapy”. I had so much stuff that I didn’t know where anything was. I decided that it was time to get rid of some of my clothes instead of buying new ones. This is how “Shop My Closet” idea was born. Today, it’s a fast growing Facebook Group consisting of over 1000 members. I hope that with your help, we can spread the word, so that one day we could reach 10,000 members. People have to change their attitude towards the use of clothing. Consumerism is wrong. If we care about our planet, our environment we have to start living by the principle of the “Three R’s: Reduce, Reuse, and Recycle.

Read more about Sustainable Clothing and Clothing Swapping here https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sustainable_clothing

https://www.facebook.com/groups/ShopMyClosetGTA/

The 21st Century Kids

Generations Social Media

Where is my eagle?

One day I was picking up my six year old son from school. As usual, he was sitting at the table with three other boys constructing something out of Lego. All of a sudden he gave me a very serious look and said, “I want an eagle.” “You mean an eagle toy?” “No, I want a live eagle!” For the next two weeks, each time I showed up in his classroom doorway, he was asking me the same question, “Where is my eagle? Did you get me the eagle?”

I tried to change the subject once. “Do you want to know about the Eaglet?” Eaglet is a Soviet Russian song from the 1930s dedicated to a heroic young soldier who was captured by the enemies and is about to be killed. “You mean those soldiers who we commemorate on the Remembrance Day when all people wear little red poppies?” He had no idea what I was talking about.

The generational gap 

That night I thought how different our children are compared to our grandparents and great grandparents who went through the horrors of war.

Two centuries. Two different generations.

Russian children born in the 20th century suffered many years of hunger, wars, and political oppression. Our kids have everything – tons of toys, electronics, ipads, iphones, Facebook… And still, our children keep asking for more. They make unreasonable – even  absurd demands. They throw tantrums and become hysterical if they don’t get what they want. They want to watch TV and play computer games endlessly. They leave a mess and don’t want to clean it up. They refuse to eat the food they are given. They are picky about everything – food, clothes, toys, friends …

Children born in the 21st century are protected from all possible hazards every step of their lives. Babies won’t know that they are wet because the diapers keep them dry all day long. Toddlers won’t hit themselves against the bed rails because it’s lined with the bumper. Kids will never swallow any wrong medication because all bottles have child-resistant caps.

George Carlin, the great American comedian, once said, “For one thing, there’s too much emphasis on safety; child-proof medicine bottles and fireproof pyjamas, child restraints in car seats, and HELMETS! Bicycle, skateboard, baseball helmets! Kids have to wear helmets now for everything…! Grown-ups have taken all the fun out of being a kid.”

Twenty five years ago, when I was in high school, we didn’t have iPads, iPods, Xboxes and hundreds of TV channels. We would finish our homework and go play outside. No one was watching us – it was considered safe. We read lots of books and wrote poems. The school policies were tough, the teachers strict and demanding. We learnt that in order to be successful you have to work hard and put in lot of effort.

Children and technology

Over the last 15 years, technology has changed our lifestyle and the environment in which our children are growing. We can’t live without our devices – we are texting, tweeting, posting, and instagramming every minute of every day. Kids become a part of this gigantic social web from the day they are born when the picture of a newborn appears on their parents’ Facebook timeline. For some kids this happens even earlier when their parents-to-be post ultrasound images.

Parents think that there is no harm in using a computer or watching TV while having a baby on their lap. They believe that if the baby is not staring directly into the screen then there is nothing wrong with it. Guess what – the researchers have found that even having TV in the background can be harmful for the developing brain because it can affect speech development.


Watching too much TV is not good for children of any age. It hinders their ability to think and learn because their brain becomes over- stimulated. Kids who watch too may cartoons are less creative and perform worse at school.

Are you wondering why children throw tantrums? One of the reasons could surely be sitting still in front of TV for too long, especially if they watch cartoons filled with violence and action. (And most cartoons are like that nowadays). Suddenly, they become hyperactive and even aggressive. Their unused energy needs to get out.


Punishment and reward 

So what are we supposed to do? Should we ban TV completely? And how do we keep them busy? Sports and board games are good ways to take kids away from TV. But more importantly, parents have to be role models: if daddy is on the computer all day and mom is on her phone, what habits will your child pick up?

Kids are much smarter than we think. This is why many child educators recommend teaching children good behaviour using the method of negative and positive consequences. A similar approach by the way is used by employers to increase employee performance.

Taking away toys = cutting down the salaries
Time off = letting go
New toy = salary raise

I was advised to make a sticker chart for my son. Every time he finishes his meal on time, cleans after himself or helps me around the house, I put a sticker on the board. After earning a certain number of stickers he gets a new toy. I noticed that when I warn him that I’ll remove some of the stickers if he doesn’t do what I say, he throws a tantrum.

Interestingly, unexpected rewards always work. One time, he decided to babysit his brother. He softly talked to the baby and the baby fell asleep while I was cooking in the kitchen. Well, obviously he earned a sticker. He was so proud. And of course he wanted to do this again.

Little adults and big kids 

Speaking of role modelling, children often act like grown-ups while adults behave like kids. I went to Walmart to buy a hair band. I couldn’t choose which one I needed and took two. Meanwhile, my son got himself three electric toothbrushes: A Transformer one, a Batman one and another one with something else on it. “Why would you need three toothbrushes?” I asked. “And why do you need two hair bands?” I didn’t know what to say, but I put one band back on the shelf.

Why do preschoolers need so many Lego games (or Barbie dolls)? And why does mom need so many pairs of shoes?

Another interesting observation: 4-6 year old boys are obsessed with superheroes, Power Rangers, ninja turtles, and Transformers. Marvel and DC Comics have built an entire industry based on their popular characters – from stickers to underwear. Kids will wear only those clothes that have the images of their favorite characters. Why? And why are ladies of all ages and backgrounds are obsessed with Coach and Michael Corse purses? These are typical examples of how the principle of social proof works. It was described by Professor Robert Cialdini as one of the most powerful weapons of influence. If a lot of other people are doing something, we assume that it’s a good thing to do.

****************

Kids like to brag. When they get a new toy (boots, mittens, or a pencil case) they have to show it to classmates just to be in the center of attention. What about adults? How often do we hear “Did you see my new car?”, “I’ve taken this with my new Nikon 700”, “Do you know how much we spent on this bathroom?”, or “Here’s me drinking Banana Mama on the beach in Punta Cana…”?

Facebook and other social media have thrived on people’s need to be liked and admired. Whenever someone responds to our comment, or “likes” our photo, it nurtures our ego and makes us feel special. In fact, social web is a much more addictive toy than Lego, Barbie or any other child’s toy. But if parents can tell children to stop playing and start learning, who’s going to convince adults to stop wasting time on Facebook and start doing more valuable things in their lives?

The Emotional Adventure of A Pregnant Lady

Generations Relationships

Dedicated to all new mothers and mothers-to-be 

Whenever people see a pregnant woman the first question they ask her is “when is she due?” They are curious whether she is having a boy or a girl. They wonder about the tiny life developing inside and try to imagine what the newborn will look like. But they are rarely interested in the mother herself, her thoughts, feelings and emotions. What a shame! Pregnancy is quite an adventure.

When I was pregnant I had all kinds of weird feelings and emotions. It reminded me Alice’s journey “through the looking glass”. Everything seemed so unrealistic and distorted. Here is my story.

When I saw a goat in a car 

One day I was driving from work to pick up my son from school. As usual, I got stuck in traffic somewhere on the 16th Avenue. All of a sudden, I saw a goat’s head hanging out of a car’s window and grinning at me offensively. I briefly looked at the goat and I swear I also saw a mix of a spider and a pig, sitting next to it and also grinning. Was I dreaming?

Maybe. I was very tired and sleepy that day, and it was just about to rain. Later I figured that the goat was the product of my imagination and in reality I saw a male with a long beard and a creepy look…

Did you notice how our emotional and physical state affects our perception of the reality? When we are in a good mood, everything and everyone seem so pretty.

A pregnant woman goes through emotional ups and downs. Sometimes she becomes unnecessarily fearful and anxious about things that others don’t even notice.

The goat in the car is not the only example. Here is another one. This time my son was with me in the car. He told me that a man is staring at him. Guess what? I immediately assumed that some pervert is looking at my child and I pushed the gas pedal. Shortly after, I started imagining that there are perverts everywhere – driving cars, walking on the streets…

The crime rate in Toronto is relatively low compared to let’s say Moscow or New York. Nevertheless, any time something happens in our city, the media tends to exaggerate the news trying to grab our attention and increase their audience rate. And how does that affect a pregnant lady? After watching or reading these news stories all day long she can easily become restless and even lose her sleep, imagining that there may be kidnappers, terrorists or other bad guys somewhere nearby.

The power of emotions

Emotions can be very powerful and hard to control. Imagine a long day at work, an endless boring meeting. The boss makes a bitter remark about your low productivity. The weather is nasty. You get stuck in traffic on the way home. You are tired. Your child throws a tantrum. You start feeling a snowball of anger building up in your chest. You come home and you see your significant other being too busy to give you the attention you deserve. At this moment all you need is a small trigger so that you could blow off your steam. You find that trigger and you don’t even notice how your anger turns into a rage.

“Rage is a much stronger emotion than anger. When you rage, you lose self control and adrenalin and cortisol prepare you to fight. You heat up and go from zero to one hundred twenty miles an hour in ten seconds in a run-away giant semi. And you are not in control of the wheel. Someone very nasty has the pedal to the metal and ugly things are coming out of the mouth…” Lynne Namka “When Shame Becomes Rage”

Later on, after you get some sleep, calm down and relax, you realize how much you overreacted. You regret the things you said and that you passed your stress onto another person.

There are of course very self-controlled people who never lose their temper and never get angry. Women who experience a sudden change in the hormones levels (during PMS, pregnancy or menopause) are more prone to be short-tempered.

By the way, here are ten great anger management tips from Mayo Clinic which I found helpful.

Beware of the Vampire 

Jordan Davis, the author of The Power of Persuasion audio course, says that in order for a person to be believed an emotional connection must be made. Some people make us feel very comfortable and that’s why we trust them. Others don’t. No matter how smart and intelligent someone can be we won’t take them seriously if we find them emotionally draining and annoying (Sheldon Cooper: “I am annoying! Go ahead, say it! I am annoying!”)

This is particularly true when it comes to so called energy vampires.

When we meet them for the first time they may seem nice and charming. They usually try very hard to make a good impression. After a while we start feeling drained and exhausted in their presence and we wonder why.

A pregnant woman, in particular, should beware of energy vampires. They can make her feel dizzy or give her a headache. How do you tell whether a person is an energy vampire? They come in different forms.

Blabbermouths will keep jabbering just to get your attention. 95% of what they say is an endless and aimless story about their own deeds and achievements. There is usually not much logic in what they talk about – they jump from one topic to another and once they finish they make you feel like an idiot because you didn’t get their point.

I once spoke to a guy who was trying to sell me Internet Marketing services. The conversation lasted about 45 min during which I barely managed to say a word. He kept bragging about his business being the top SEO provider in the city. At the end of his pitch, I learned that their services were ridiculously expensive. What a waste of time and energy this was.

Another type is a nagger – someone who is always unhappy for one reason or another and makes a big deal out of every little thing. They tend to micromanage and be in your face with unrealistic demands…

I’ve learnt that one way to avoid the negative effect of energy vampires is to visualize a protective energy shield around yourself. They will keep yelling, yapping or pushing themselves into your sphere, but they won’t be able to cut through your buffer zone in order to drain you of your energy. There is only one problem with this method – to achieve such an effect you need to have a lot of energy to start with, something that pregnant women are usually deprived of.

The light at the end of the tunnel 

After I had my baby, I didn’t come out of the house for a few of weeks. Sleep deprivation, lack of sunlight and weakened immune system took its toll – I ended up with some sort of baby blues. On top of everything I was sick for about a month and a half – sore throat, ear pain, cough, the list goes on. The doctor said that I got some nasty virus from my older son and should be prepared to be ill for quite a while. Not a very optimistic prognosis.

Being sick gets me into a vicious circle. Normally a very active person, I start feeling miserable because I have to hold my horses and take it easy. In other words, I need to get lots of rest and don’t do much. On the other side, research has found that when people feel blue it affects their immune system and slows down the recovery process.

The best remedy for depression 

Once I started getting some sleep, taking walks in the park and exercising I felt rejuvenated … both physically and emotionally.

Later I discovered that our pain tolerance can be controlled. It depends on our mood and energy level. The more energy we have the easier it is to deal with sickness and pain.

I decided that if I ever start feeling sick again I will pretend that I don’t feel it or try to convince myself that I am getting better the next day. Surprisingly, this works better than any medicine.

Sheril Sandberg, Facebook’s CEO, once wrote in her “Lean in” book: “When I don’t feel confident, one tactic I’ve learned is that it sometimes helps to fake it… I discovered this when I was an aerobics instructor in the 1980s… Influenced by the gospel of Jane Fonda, aerobics also meant smiling solidly for a full hour. Some days, the smile came naturally. Other days, I was in a lousy mood and had to fake it. Yet after an hour of forced smiling, I often felt cheerful.”

When you are sick, tired and depressed, it takes a lot of willpower to stop sulking and start feeling good about yourself and the surrounding world. One thing that pregnancy does is that it takes away a lot of energy from the mother to build a new life inside her. No wonder pregnant ladies are always tired, sluggish and clumsy. During journey through nine month of pregnancy, I was half asleep most of the time and ended up dropping a lot of mugs and dishes…

Once the baby is born (or perhaps, a few months later) we slowly start getting our energy back. All of a sudden, we find ourselves being much more efficient and productive. We become the queens of multitasking – changing diapers, cooking, breastfeeding, seeing doctors, picking kids from school, taking them to sports classes, posting on Facebook, writing blogs… This is actually the happiest time of our life.